Many years ago, a very young and impressionable version of me, spent the entire night (a weeknight of course) debating with a friend in a sketchy Tim Hortons in an even more sketchy part of Mississauga. The burning issue of contention? “Reason” and “introspection”. Today, I am going to go to bed early. It’s a Sunday of a long-weekend. I can also confidently pronounce that I no longer remember, nor desire to re-investigate, what introspection means much less the intricacies of that debate.
It’s more than just time and its punishing effects on my hairline. Since that night, I have gradually assumed greater responsibility. And it has come in waves, some significantly more intense than others putting me in a position to try and figure out the best response, whether or not I have any experience or natural talent in the matter. The confidence I exuded in that dingy Tim Hortons, no longer shines. Dealing with the deluge of challenges, those of mine as well as those around me has brought about an immense amount of failure, stress and also sacrifice. These realities have come into my world and walked all over me.
And, ironically, that has been the greatest lesson of all. When I go to bed tonight early, I will reflect on how little that I know. How problems cannot be solved strictly through clever argumentation, logic and “if-only-this-or-that” type of thinking. My frailty, inability and limitations are clearer to me than ever. And now, I see that as real strength, far superior to type of intellectual jousting that provided no benefit for decision-making.
This week, I remembered that night when we walked into our first home. I looked at this new home as the ultimate #doorofopportunity. It’s a reminder to myself that it is with the assumption of responsibility, and the weight it places upon you, that you truly grow and shape yourself. The capacity to bring about change, comes from the stress and pain of overcoming challenges, whether of your own doing or imposed upon you. I look back at that impressionable version of me, confident and daring, satisfied. Left to my own devices, it’s impossible to know how far my motivation would have taken me and how effective I would have been. But, now, with less hair, less time – I am pretty grateful for what lies ahead. Ready to seize it. Ready to get back up. Ready to keep going. Ready to walk through.