It has been one heck of a 2019 so far! We celebrated New Year’s Eve welcoming sweet baby Zayn into our lives, officially promoting us to a family of 4. I’m in the process of putting together the details of his birth story, so it will be coming to the blog very soon. It’s going to be a fun read!
Over the weekend, we celebrated Hayat turning two! It seriously feels like we just blinked and now we have an adorable, fierce, smiley little girl who dances and sings at every opportunity she gets.
I wrote a letter for her, but really, it’s more for me to remember this special time in our lives. And to bawl my eyes out just a little bit! Here it goes:
It makes me so emotional just thinking about it. Reflecting on the day that you came into this world and completely transformed our lives into something more meaningful and deeper than we ever expected. You have blessed us with two wonderful, tender, heart-exploding years of parenthood. Parents to you. Our special little girl.
To be honest, I never felt that I had that ‘motherly’ instinct. The one so many other women talk about. Those who dreamed of the day that they became mothers. I never had that. Since marrying your baba, I was completely content in my life. I had freedom, choices, opportunities, a social life. I travelled around the world to my heart’s content and didn’t feel hindered to follow my dreams and passions. I didn’t want my life to change by having a baby. I was selfish, and happily so!
So I was so nervous leading up to your birth because I didn’t think I had it in me to love you and care for you the way that you deserved. Once in a while, I still feel completely and utterly incapable of giving you everything you need and deserve. But what I’ve learned throughout these two years is that all you ever want and need from me is time. Time to sit with you and stare into your deep, beautiful brown eyes as you play and read to me and quiz me ‘ya lown?’ (what colour?).
Time to lay with you on the floor in your bedroom and read countless books, one after another, all of them memorized in multiple languages by you and recited in the cutest little voice. Time to sip make-believe tea from your brightly coloured tea set and pretend that it’s ‘hot hot hot’ while offering a cup to each one of your stuffed animals, including your security blanket you so lovingly call ‘mano’. Our random dance party outbursts to your favourite songs including Old McDonald, Baba Black Sheep, and Baby Shark, just to name a few. Time to sing Happy Birthday at every possible opportunity, even though it’s not your birthday, you squeal with excitement and happiness whenever we do.
You have become more attached to me since little Zayn joined us, making us a family of four. This season hasn’t been easy on you and I am trying to spend as much time with you as I can to make up for the shake-up that you’re experiencing. I know that soon enough you’ll feel more comfortable about our new normal, you’re already asking for ‘Zayno’ and wanting to kiss him good morning and good night every day, but I can’t help but feel heart-broken whenever you are crying for me ‘mama’ and I can’t be there to comfort you, hug you and kiss you…or just be there by your side so that you know that everything is ok.
Luckily, your baba is the most incredible baba out there, and he is taking care of you while I figure out how to keep your brother healthy, safe and warm in these early days of his life. You are so brave!
You won’t always be calling for me the way you are now, so I will revel in these moments as much as I can because once they disappear and a new phase of your life comes into play, those moments will be gone forever. Instilled in our memories and words, photographs and hearts. Until we get to tell the tales to you when you begin to understand what it means to live a conscious, meaningful life full of purpose and kindness and love. While that makes me sad, it just means that you are growing into a beautiful, thoughtful, curious little soul.
All this to say, Happy 2nd Birthday to the love of my life. The one who gave me the gift of motherhood. Helped me learn to become more selfless and forgiving. Who’s belly laughs fill me with delirious joy. And who holds a special place in my heart forever.
Big thanks to Jamie-Lynn from Batter Up Bakery for making such a beautiful and delicious chocolate cake to celebrate both Hayat and Zayn!