This world is full of disappointment, misery, trial and sometimes downright horror. You only need to pick up a newspaper or watch the evening news. But amidst such tragic happenings, humanity has found ways to overcome, unify and spread hope. This cake, I submit to you, is one such humble effort to make this world a better place.
Unassuming and often hidden from the "cool" cakes because its labeled as a "coffee cake", the Farmer's market Belgian Chocolate Cake is the greatest God Damn Cake ever. It refuses to be tamed by the unworthy expectations of would-be cake eaters whose smugness leads them to the actual "bakery" section or the diseased thoughts of other substandard coffee cakes (looking at you Sara Lee!). No - this cake rises above not just on taste alone but on price. I challenge you, oh wretched Earth full of mortals, bring forward a cake under $10 so rich, so smooth, so irresistible, so ... perfect. But even Wisdom itself cries out against such a bold and foolish challenge, submitting, chewing, devouring ... Enjoying.
Let the chocolate rays of happiness and beauty fill you. Let the Farmers market Belgian cake uplift and restore you, reminding you of hopes allure and effect. Let this world know - you will fight back against its incessant debauchery and weariness.
Buy this cake. And bring me some too :)